Come on, Let’s Bust a Myth…and Solve a Problem


Have you ever worked to succeed at something and just as you are about to  bring it all together, something happens; just as you reach for the reward, it moves, or just seems to evaporate?

Have you ever recognized an opportunity, seized it, worked hard on it and then done something that messed it up? Don’t feel alone or different. I’ve been there, done that, and there wasn’t even a T shirt; just frustration and disappointment.

the myth we need to bust

Here is the myth. After experiencing a situation that has gone wrong, like I illustrated above, we react naturally and examine what we “did wrong” so we can fix it and move on to succeed. That makes sense and is quite noble. It sometimes works, but seldom actually delivers the fullness of results that are possible and desired.

The manifestation of the problem of missing the mark is assumed to be in what we did. Very few of us ask this question: “What caused me to do what I did that messed things up?” We need to know where the problem action(s) came from.

the fruit reveals the root

The problem is just the fruit, or a symptom. That result (fruit/symptom) that caused the problem originated in our thinking…wrong thinking.

Gritting our teeth and struggling to change our thinking is widely thought be a good thing, but it doesn’t do the job very well and leaves a lot to be desired.

The problem that caused the problem goes deeper than just our thoughts…it’s in our programming. Our programming comes from the influencers and influences that we have experienced in our lives. These influences include the people we listen to, our environment, music, media, entertainment; virtually everything we are exposed to.

how it all plays out in our lives

We are always thinking, 24/7, either conscientiously or sub conscientiously, and we are thinking about the things that come into our minds.

The influences that come into your mind that are not conscientiously rejected, those ideas that are accepted as “fact”, as “just the way things are” set limits in our minds concerning who we are, what we can do, and what we deserve. These are false limitations and are a part of what Zig Ziglar used to call “Stinkin’ thinking'”.

So, we have these false predetermined limits that cause us to believe things like “I can’t”, “I’m not good at ____”, “I belong in the poor community”, “My parents always struggled, so that is my destiny”, “Work is supposed to be boring, frustrating and painful”.

It is your beliefs about yourself that determine your destination, or results, in any endeavor. You will always go where your beliefs take you.

Can you see now, that the problem that shows on the surface is only a symptom of the real problem? Our beliefs about ourselves are the self-imposed root of the problem. Our human tendencies cause us to cling fast to our beliefs, we then obey them as a slave obeys his master and sabotage our own efforts. That keeps on proving the truth of our beliefs.

In other words, if we don’t believe that we can advance, even though we make a valiant outward effort, we sabotage our own effort with our own thinking to support the truthfulness of our beliefs, and we never seem to be able to break out of the cycle.

how can we break out of the cycle?

We have seen that the things we allow to influence us teach us what to think about ourselves. That being the case, doesn’t it make sense that if we change what we allow to influence us, we will also change what we believe about ourselves? I have proven this in my own life, and it is what has made the great people we look up to great.

If you would like to improve your life, try examining the influences that have shaped your thinking from childhood to the present. It is certain that you will be able to see that your present situation in each of the seven areas of life correlate directly to the beliefs those influences have given you.

If you have a good marriage and family situation, you will find it is because you had positive influences that gave you a positive belief that you could have, and deserved, to have a good marriage. If you think you deserve to be rich, you probably are, if you think you are not creative, you probably are not.

overcoming limiting influences

The influences of the past have accumulated over the years to help you form the beliefs you have about yourself today. Just as those influences developed you into the person you are today, you can deliberately change the influences and influencers you submit to and change your beliefs about yourself. You can move higher in every area of life.

Nothing that is really worth having comes easily, or cheaply. Believing that you deserve to and can do anything you dream of is something worth having. Until you have the belief, you won’t have the goods.

“All things are possible to him who believes” – Jesus Christ

Changing your beliefs about yourself and your worthiness won’t be completed overnight, but it can start right now, this very minute, if you will simply choose to be influenced by influencers who/which will take you where you want to go.

You can start reading worthwhile, inspiring books with just the click of your mouse, you can stop soaking up entertainment that focuses on where you don’t want to go right now. You can imagine and dream about the positive changes you want to experience right now. All these simple steps will help you to begin to change what you believe about yourself and what you deserve.


The myth is that the mistake that directly caused any breakdown is the reason the problem occurred, when actually the mistake was caused by self limiting beliefs that you sub conscientiously felt needed to be validated. The problem is in the belief, not the action that the belief caused.

If you change what you allow to influence you, you will change what you believe about yourself and you will stop sabotaging your own best efforts to advance, if you choose influencers that are where you want to be.

“If you hear a voice within say that you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh

What you believe about yourself is the root of the problem and it is the beginning of the solution. You must get over self limiting beliefs in order to advance.

Discussion Question: Have you taken recent action to expose yourself to positive influences that can improve what you believe about yourself?


4 thoughts on “Come on, Let’s Bust a Myth…and Solve a Problem”

  1. Great advice, Bob!

    You’re always a week ahead of me on the topic of the day. 🙂 I have a post coming out this Friday in which I tell a story about how I tricked myself into believing I couldn’t do something, that I’m actually surprisingly good at. I was shocked that I let my thoughts have that much of an influence.

    I always try to keep positive influences around me. I find that what you project is what you usually get back. Old friends have adapted to our behaviors – no gossip, solution-based thinking, etc.

    The challenge is family. Both of our families can be quite negative. I have two important ideas on how to deal with this. First, be firm with your boundaries and as a couple, be a united front. The other thing is to understand why they say the things they do. You might not agree, but try to understand. It often has nothing to do with us but their own fears, embarrassment, etc.

    1. Holly,

      I am amazed that we tend to have the same ideas about our topics! It’s a good thing that doing well is more about collaboration than competition.

      I fully understand about negative families and how they can be a challenge. Your ideas on handling that situation strike me as effective, courteous and compassionate. The world is so negative, while talking about being positive, and that makes for a challenging environment for people who truly live a positive life among them, as you suggested.

      1. They’re the same topics, but completely different approaches. It’s amazing how many directions our minds can take one topic.

        On the topic of negative people (and families), I was studying this verse this morning from the book of Genesis, the story of Joseph. – Genesis 50:20-21: “Even though you meant harm to me, God meant it for good, to achieve this present end, the survival of many people. So now, do not fear. I will provide for you and for your children.” By thus speaking kindly to them, he reassured them.

        This first part for me has become pretty easy. The second can be a struggle. But hey, there’s always room for improvement.

        1. You are so correct, Holly.

          If there was no struggle for improvement, the achievement would not have much value.

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